Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Breathe of Heaven

I figured it was about time to update my blog, since well, it has only been a month and a half!  Sometimes I can't even believe how quickly time is flying by.  I have been a machine as of late, as far as cleaning,housework, decorations, cooking, shopping, daily routines with the kids, but I have not put much focus on exercising.  I am feeling the urge to hole up and hibernate.  When the days are so short I find it hard to get outside and run in the dark.  I am in the process of getting a membership to the Y here in Fergus, hopefully that will help with the motivation trouble.  If I am paying for something, well I'm going to be sure to use it!

I  have all my Christmas Decorations done,  I love Christmas!  It is truly one of my favorite times of the year.  I have often wondered why I love it so much.  As a child,  Christmas was not an overly happy time for my family.  My dad had a very very hard childhood, and had a lot of bad things happen to him at Christmas, therefore he really struggled every year at that time.  We didn't always have a Christmas tree, my mom tried, but Dad had destroyed all the decorations in a drunken rage one time, and we didn't have the money to replace it. We never got all the cool toys....I usually got socks and underwear, however I absolutely loved Christmas. I remember a couple Christmas's where there would be a box of grocery's that would show up on our doorstep, and my mom crying, because we would have food for a nice Christmas meal. I remember believing in Santa Claus long after most of the kids my age knew there no longer was a "Santa".  I however chose to keep believing.  I don't know that I ever have stopped believing in Santa.  Santa to me is so much more than a jolly fat guy in a red suit. He embodies what I think we should strive for, a generous heart.

I also love all the sappy hallmark Christmas movies.  Steve asked me the other day, as I was watching a movie called a Dog named Christmas with the kids, Why do you watch all these movies?  I smiled and said cause they give me the warm fuzzies.  He just smiled and shook his head.  So this really got me to thinking,  Why do I love Christmas so much?  I love the lights, I love all the pretty decorations, I love the feeling of being inside in my nice warm home, while it is snowing outside.  I absolutely love seeing my children's face light up at the sight of their gifts Christmas morning, I love all the Christmas music.  One of my favorite songs is " Breathe of Heaven" (Mary's Song).  I was listening to the song the other day, and I was just overcome by awe and emotion.  I was moved, because I could so clearly picture a young Mary, pregnant with Child, and traveling a long ways, only to end up in a manger, with animals to give birth.  WOW!  Talk about Courage.  As a mother I am always moved by the memory I have of giving birth to my children.  The moments after they were just born, the exhilaration and exhaustion and sheer joy and abundant love all being felt at the same time.  I've often said that I think the love I feel for my children, is a hint of how God loves us.  Especially in the moments after birth.  When they are so tiny and fragile and perfect.  How must have Mary felt  knowing she was carrying the son of God?  It still boggles my mind.

So are all these things together why I love Christmas?  As I am reflecting on it there is still more.  I could be very Cliche' and say it is the spirit of Christmas that I love, but what does that mean?  On all the hallmark movies I watch, there is generosity, miracles, and love all tied up in a nice bow with Christmas spirit written all over it. As I sit hear thinking about it, I realize that the reason I love Christmas so much is because I love Jesus.  The son of God, born a baby born in a manger, to save me from my sins.  To save me from myself.  It fills me with such awe and hope.  Yes there is generosity, and miracles and love, all of which are gifts sent from God, sent in the most humble of ways a new born baby.  I think back to the moments after I gave birth to Brianna, my oldest child,  the doctors didn't hand her to me right after she was born, because she wasn't breathing right.  She was only a couple feet away, but I remember leaning off the bed reaching for her, desperate to hold my baby.  I was consumed by a love, and a protective instinct that my mind did not really even comprehend at the time.  When they placed her in my arms,  there are just no words to describe the feeling of pure love.  Maybe that is the word....pure....purity, not complicated by logic, fear, thinking.....just pure love.  I have experienced this feeling every time I have given birth.  The innocence and purity of a baby, wow.

So in conclusion, I guess all of the above reasons are why I love Christmas, but the most important is that I love CHRIST.  As I go through this Advent, waiting for Christ.  I hope to try and be more courageous, like Mother Mary was. Courageous in Christ. I hope to always put Christ in front of the mas of the other things that get thrown in to this time of year.  So stealing this from my bro-in-law Pat,  I wish you all a Merry CHRIST-mas.

Sunday, October 16, 2011


When the wake up call came at 4:30am, I was already awake.  I get up, try to eat a marathon bar for breakfast, start getting dressed, put race bib on jersey, start hydrating, getting the kids ready, and just somehow trying to contain the amount of nervous energy pouring out of my body.  We all meet in the lobby at 5:30 am and head to the start line.  When we arrive at the meeting point, we realize that Sarah's stroller never made the journey from the hotel.  It was about a 20 minute drive to get there.  I was beginning to panic.  My mom, God Bless her, planned on watching Sarah.  Now my youngest is 40 lbs, and full of spunk and Life and has absolutely no fear.  I was worried how my mom was going to handle her without a stroller to contain her in.  Not to mention the fact that she was a very tired girl, and holding a sleeping 40 lb child is EXHAUSTING.  My mom and my sister calm me down, ensure me that they will be just fine, and tell me to let it go.  Easier said than done, but bottom line I trust my mom and sister, and I knew they would handle it.  We have our morning prayer, and then head to the start line. 

I had partnered up with another gal who was hoping to finish her first half-marathon around the  2 hours and 15 min mark, which was my goal as well.  As we are heading to the start line we take off jogging, for a warm-up  I follow my husband and his partner, who is Bishop Paprocki.   We get in line, check our gear, and then head for the actual start line...I asked if I could just go to the finish line, and  got a good chuckle out of the group.  I gave Steve a kiss, and we separated.  Liz and I started wondering our way through the massive crowd of runners trying to get to the 2:15 pacer.  It was so tight with people,  we could hardly walk, let alone run.  We get to where we can see the 2:20 pacer, and call it good. 

My stomach is in knots...... I actually feel like I want to vomit, but I hold it together.  Somehow in the massive crowd, my sister finds me, she comes running up and gives me a hug, and one last word of encouragement.  A few minutes later, I hear the start of the race.  We begin a slow jog to the start line.  I ran probably 200 to 300 meters before we even reached the start line.  The first two miles of the run were on a gradual uphill.  I remembered thinking,  "I thought there were only two hills on this coarse?"    The good news was that I was completely consumed with what was going on around me.  Before I know it people around me are cheering, and that is when I see the two mile marker.  What a strange thing...I thought, "WOOHOO! Only 11.1 more to go."   Liz and I were talking comfortably and then she broke off  to use the bathroom.   At this point I'm on my own and I am just taking it all in.  I am completely surrounded by other runners, and enjoying the crowds and the signs that they are holding up.  One of my favorites I saw between mile two and three said "DON'T POOP YOUR PANTS!"   I know this is going to sound strange, but I immediately thought of my hubby.  When running 13.1 or 26.2 miles your body does strange things, and many runners have had that experience.   I never have had trouble in my training runs, so I said a little prayer that I didn't have trouble in the race. Between mile 3 and 4 there was a HUGE hill.  As I was running up the hill I thought, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this."  I was panicking a little because I was huffing and puffing and hadn't even reached mile 4.  So I started to walk at the steepest part of the hill.  Just then another LIFE runner came by (Jason Peters), and said good job Tina you can do this.  I decided at that moment that I would run the rest of the race...no more walking.  So I started running after about 10 feet of walking, and I kept running.  

When I reached mile four there was a live reggae band singing, "Every things going to be alright."  It  was like a little message from heaven for me.  It helped me take a few deep breaths, and calm down.   I tried to get lost in my prayers like I did in my training runs, but it was very hard for me.   I was too distracted by the people around me, the crowds, the signs, and the live music.  It was just a really cool to be part of this environment.  At somewhere between mile six and seven,  Rob Rysavy came running up beside me, (he was running the Full marathon) and he put his arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm praying for you right now."  I smiled and thanked him.   I needed that so much, because I was beginning to panic.  I knew we broke off from the marathoners around mile 7, and I had myself so scared that I was going to miss the separation, and that I would go the wrong way.  It was very clearly marked so I didn't miss it, but I "didn't know, what I didn't know". 

At mile 8 I had to stop and use the bathroom,  all I can say is those were some of the most disgusting portapotties I had ever seen.  When I reach mile nine,  I start thinking for the first time that I am actually doing this..... I'm actually going to finish a half-marathon.  I start crying......then I  tell myself to pull it together.  At this point I start praying, or trying to pray, until another sign grabbed my attention.  This one said, "Chafe now Brag later"..... I smiled, because OH MY  GOODNESS, have I struggled with the chafing!  I come up on mile 10, the star spangled banner is playing, and I see a sign that says, "Run because you CAN."   I was reminded of the dream I had earlier in my training, when some rare disease took my legs and caused me to not be able to run.  I also thought of all the people in wheelchairs who had physical limitations and could not run. 

At this point I was starting to cramp, but it wasn't bad.  I thought, "Wow....maybe I wont hit the wall everyone talks about at mile ten."  That thought made me happy.  I never did hit the wall at mile 10, but boy did I hit a MAJOR wall between mile 11 and 12.  My legs felt like lead dipped in cement casing.  Trying to get them to move took every ounce of my will.  I felt some pop around my ankle and shin in my right leg, and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to finish the race.   I said a prayer.  At this point God showed me all the times in my life where I gave up when I could have kept going, where I didn't think I could do it.....where I didn't feel I was good enough for God to use me in a powerful way.  I saw how many times I turned away from what was being asked of me, because I didn't feel worthy.  I saw how fear has controlled me,  how doubt has held me captive, and I decided NO MORE, and I kept running.  I'm running for the babies, I'm running for Jesus, I'm running for all of those that are hurting, and I am finishing because God asked me too.  

My sister and my kids were some of the first people I seen as I rounded one of the two corners to get me to the finish.   I saw them yelling and cheering, and of course I was crying.  Ann asks, "Why are you crying?" In typical Ann fashion she starts running while carrying her youngest son, and tells me, "If I can run carrying Donny you can do it!"  It made me smile, and I picked up my pace.  As I rounded the second corner, I could see the finish line.  I had told myself that with the pain in my right leg,there was probably no way I could sprint it in, but that I would finish.  Well I heard my sister-in-law Angi yell, "You got this....spread your wings and fly!"  So I did.  It was like my angels came down, and flew me to the finish.  I was able to finish hard  and strong, despite the throbbing pain in my leg.  As I was about to cross the finish line I remember raising my hands to the skies and just praising Jesus!  I DID IT!  I finished 13.1 miles, and in the process I had one of the biggest emotional victories in my life.  GOD IS GREAT!  Here's my finish...click here for 30 second video.

I was so emotional because, I didn't sell myself short.  My time was 2 hours 31 minutes and 32 seconds.  There was a time, where that would have devastated me that I was 15 minutes behind where I wanted to be, but I honestly didn't care.  I had finished, and I celebrated that fact.  As I was walking "the chute"  I got my medal, my chocolate milk and banana, it was like I was in a fog.....almost like the past two hours were a dream.  I met my family and was able to cheer my brother-in-law Pat in as he finished his full marathon.  Pat came to find me after his race and he tells me about all of the miles in his past races how he prayed for me, and about the times he appreciated me cheering him on, and how I was the best cheerer out there.  He then he tells me how happy he was, that I wasn't cheering today, and how proud he was of me for running/finishing my race.  It is a true blessing that my brother-in-law is a brother to me in every way. 

Then it was time for Mary and Sam to run their 1.2 mile.  They started their race at 11am, and that was about the time Steve was going to be coming across the finish line.  Luckily the two finishes were along the same stretch of street, and I was able to run between the two and cheering for the kids and watching for Steve.   I saw both Sam and Mary finish their races, and then I was able to see Steve coming in as well.   Steve ran over to the gate where I was screaming and yelling like a lunatic.  It doesn't matter how many times I've seen him finish,  I still get emotional.  I love that man!  He runs over and gives me a kiss, and I swat him on the rear, and tell him to get going and finish hard.  Steve ran his personal best marathon.  I was so proud of him.

As I look back on my race, I think fondly of all of the runners that commented on my jersey.  I thought of the man, who said " Thank you for your shirt,  We should all be running for the babies..... I know I am."  God is using the jerseys to change hearts, and he is using  our prayers as well........ more to come!  Check out the awesome LIFE Runners video of the race set to the song "Courageous".

Friday, October 14, 2011

I have arrived!!!!

We arrived at Steve's Uncle Mike's house Thursday night at 8pm.  It had been a crazy day on the road, and I was exhausted.  By time we ate and got the kids settled, it was after 1030pm before I went to bed.  I of course did not sleep well at all.  I never do when I am traveling, and honestly I hadn't slept well for the last week and a half.  We get up early, get ready, and head to pick up another life runner at the airport. After that we head to the EXPO to pick up our race packets.  We spent a couple hours at the expo, and then checked in to the hotel, and headed to the pre-race banquet location.  I had been in contact with my parents by phone all day.  My mom and dad were driving down for the race, and to help me with my kids while I am running my race. When they arrived, out jumped my older sister, who came along to surprise me.  It was really good to see her.  Ann is so good for me, when I am nervous or upset, she always makes me laugh.  I love to laugh, and my sense of humor has got me through many things in my life.  So when I take my self too seriously, Ann is the  one who always brings me back.  The banquet Friday night was wonderful.  Great food, and wonderful speakers.  I admittedly was distracted, due to the fact that my two year old was there, and very very busy.  As the banquet is winding down, and people are leaving, we head back to the hotel.  My mom had left a little early and got Sarah to bed, so that was nice.  I have to be honest...... I did not sleep well.  I was nervous, and quite honestly felt like I was in some sort of fog, like this wasn't really happening or something.  I went to bed, and tossed and turned all night long.........      

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

4 days and counting!

I can't even describe the strange mix of emotions I am having!  I go from being Super pumped up, to completely scared out of my mind, to confident that I've done the training and I'll be able to finish the half-marathon on Saturday.  I've been having the weirdest dreams.  I feel I have to Clarify this, I have always been a person who learns more about my emotional state from my dreams than any where else.  The dreams I have had in my lifetime have been something that a science-fiction guru could not come up with....it is some of the most entertaining "movies"  I've seen.  That is always how my dreams play out....like I'm watching a movie.  The last three nights I have had dreams pertaining to running my first half-marathon....in the first one, it was extremely hot, and we were running along a river.  I was so upset because there was no drink stations..... in my dream I'm yelling I need a drink, for the Love of God why isn't there any drink stations!  At this moment, other members of the LIFE runners team come running by me, almost flying at me, I felt like I had to duck and move out of the way!  Then Rob Rysavy (one of the LIFE runners Leaders)  Goes speeding by me and does a triple flip into the river.....  Random I know!  Then I'm on the wrong path, and I'm yelling for Steve to help me, and he tells me you got this, suck it up!  When I woke up, my body was in a position like I was running.  In another dream, I was running along, and I knew I was dreaming, but I was happy because I was running, and then I began to wonder if your running in your sleep, if your brain could actually process that as exercise, and then I felt completely convinced in my dream, that I was burning calories, because I was dreaming about running.....Oh how I wish that were true!

Needless to say, obviously the marathon is on the forefront of my mind!  The first dream tells me, I'm anxious because it is a new course, I don't know where I will be at each mile.  In my training if Steve would try and switch up a course on me, I would about panic.  I felt the need to know exactly where I was, and how far until the next mile, and so on.  Having no clue, but following the path is going to be extremely challenging for me.  As far as all the LIFE runners speeding by me, I think that is my fear of being the slowest, and as far as Rob jumping in a river..... I have no clue!  Steve telling me I got this and to suck it up, is really me.  Since he is the closest person in the world to me, he represented me, and my determination to finish this no matter what! I have been really nervous about getting sick.  All my daycare kids have a cold right now.  Brianna my oldest, has bronchitis, and I seem to be very susceptible to that.  I have had it once each year the last three winters.  I have not been feeling the best.  Last week, I missed three days of running with suspected Kidney Stones.  I didn't go to the doctor for a few days, because I am extremely stubborn, and by time I went she thought I probably passed them, due to the fact that I drink so much water.  But she guessed that was probably what was going on based on the symptoms I described.  I woke up yesterday congested, and this morning with sore throat.

We are leaving tomorrow night to SF, and then Thursday to Kansas City.  I am excited, one of the many emotions I am experiencing!  Please pray for me.  In the end, I know I will do this, because it is not about me, it is about serving my Lord, and fighting for the unborn.  I just have to sort through all my very Human emotions, set them aside, and keep my eyes focused on Christ.  

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Where did Sept go?

You know that old saying "Time Flies when you are having fun?"  well time flies when you  have four children, run a daycare, train for a half-marathon, run a committee, do a book club, help with the youth group, make sure homework is done, run to the library, go to the grocery store......and about a hundred other things a day!  I can not even believe it is Oct. I am officially two weeks away from my half-marathon.  Since I last posted,  I have done a 9,10,11, and another 11 mile training run.  That's on Saturdays, during the week I run between 3 and 5 miles a day,  depending on the day.  I am ready! I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.  I have had some minor tweaks and muscle pains, and my shins hurt occasionally, but for the most part, I am healthy and uninjured.  Praise God!  It is truly a miracle.  I am probably the most accident prone person in the world.....If something random and strange is going to happen, it usually happens to me.  I've been pretty cautious this last week of training, I do not want to risk an injury when I am so close to the starting line.

September was gone in the blink of an eye!  The kids getting back into school, and  getting used to all their schedules....fundraisers, orchestra, first-reconciliation meetings, fall festivals, and so much more.  As I look ahead, it doesn't seem to let up much.  I'm looking forward to basketball starting for my 6th grader Brianna.  Last year I was her coach, and hope to take that role on again.  I do have a deep love for the game!  I'm also excited, because I will really be able to run the drills with the kids....I'm in much better shape this year. I got a little boost in the weight loss area, I am down 2 pant sizes, and 17 lbs!  I am learning to celebrate the victories!

  When I was running my 11 miles yesterday, I was truly touched by God.   As Jean (my running partner and friend) and I were running and praying, I was consumed by peace.  I was truly in awe and filled with such wonder, as I basked in the Glory of God!  I look back on this journey (knowing I still have some to go), and I am in awe of what God has taught me in my life.  As I approach the starting line of my first half-marathon, I feel like I'm embarking on a wonderful adventure with God as well!  It still seems a little strange, because he has always been such a huge part of my life, but I feel renewed in my relationship with him, and I am excited!  So today, I am filled with joy, excitement, anticipation, and  peace.  At times like this, there really isn't much more to say, other than.......God is Good!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Perfection is unrealistic, humility is not.

I've done an 8 and 9 mile training run in the last couple weeks.  You would think that would build confidence in me, yet as my half-marathon approaches I am nervous.  I am battling many of the things I have along the way.  For example I am struggling with the fact that I've only lost 10 lbs.  Not only have I changed my diet entirely,  but I am exercising regularly as well.  I'm also struggling with my need to be competitive.  I know If I could just lose the weight that would help improve my ability to run faster.  I am being way to hard on myself as of late, and not celebrating the victories.  It is really wearing on me.  I know I will finish my half-marathon,  I just struggle with the fact that it will probably be a really slow time.  As I am writing this,  I'm thinking how crazy that is.  I should be happy that I got out there and ran and finished 13.1 miles.  This is probably one of my greatest struggles in this life.  I expect  so much more out of myself, than is realistic.  I think I should be able to run my own business, raise 4 children, be involved in all of the stuff I am, be a super mom and make treats for the kids, and be super involved in their schools, and have a clean house, lose 60lbs in the blink of an eye and be a super competitive, fit half-marathon runner.   I am always falling short of where I want to be.  Then I get frustrated, and discouraged.

I am realizing that all of these expectations I have for myself set me up for failure.  I am also beginning to realize that a lot of these expectations stem from pride.  Man I am a proud person!   I knew I was stubborn and strong willed, but WOW!  So maybe it is a blessing in disguise that I haven't lost the weight.  Maybe God is trying to teach me patience and humility.   Don't get me wrong,  I think it is okay to be a driven and always push yourself to be the best,  but I think that when you don't realize all your goals,  you need to be able to humbly accept that and try and see what God has for you in that.  I have trouble with the latter.  I guess I'm realizing that my drive has been a need for me to reach excellence, for me to be the very best. When I don't reach the level, I think I should, I get discouraged. I always have been a bit of a dreamer! I am trying to shift that, to make my focus be to always give glory to  God in everything I do.  In my mind, I know that is the right answer.  I just need to get out of  God's way.

So if running this Half-marathon overweight and slow is what needs to happen to get myself out of the way, I will do it.  I will not let the discouragement keep me down, or the frustration hold me back.   I am once again remembering Phil 4:13 " I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me"  That doesn't mean that I can do all things excellent or perfect,  it means that if I keep God as my motivation, I can do it, for his Glory.....NOT my own.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

If you can't find me I'm buried beneath schedules!

WOW!  Where has the summer gone?  I find myself in disbelief that so many are already back in school.  I am thankful that since we moved to MN we don't start school until after Labor day.  I love the extra couple weeks with the kids.  I also laugh because I still have not done school shopping!  I've always been a bit of a procrastinator!  My training is going good.  I've done a 6mile training run, ran a 5k race and then did a 5.5 mile training run the next day.  I will be attempting an 8 mile training run this weekend!  I can honestly say I have NEVER run 8 miles before.  Even in track the longest I ran at one time was 7 miles, so that will be a first for me.  I am feeling pretty good.  I have had some troubles with my right ankle and shin since my 5k.  Not sure what the deal is, it actually hurts more when I am not active.  Crazy right?  My only frustration is that I am not dropping weight.  I don't get it, I'm watching what I eat, I am consistently exercising between 30-45 min a day, and longer on my long run.  The weight will not come off.  I have lost 10 lbs since I started this journey..... I wish it was more.  I just don't let myself focus on that,  I remind myself that is not my main goal for running..... its the mission, to end abortion, and for that I will do what it takes.

I have to say I am much more appreciative of running then I ever had been before.  When I was young, it was easy.  God blessed me with natural athletic ability, and I wasted it.  I didn't practice to my full potential.  I didn't have to work for it.  Now,  well every day I am out there, I am working my butt off for it, and that is to just finish....not even to be competitive.  I had a nightmare a couple of weeks ago, that some rare disease had caused a need for me to have to have my legs amputated.  I was so distraught that I would never run again,  Needless to say when I awoke the next morning, I got out and ran.  I am Thankful to run, even if I don't win, or lose the weight, it is a gift that I am out there doing it.  Even on the days I hate it, and I have plenty of those!

Sarah is doing well,  we had her neurologist appt, and the good news is that she does not have an underlying seizure disorder.  They don't know why her febrile seizures present so strange.  By the symptoms, they are barely classified as febrile in some ways, but since every time she has had one, she has had a very low temp, they are calling it febrile.  There is a possibility that a seizure disorder could develop in her later, but more of a chance she will outgrow this.  I have to try hard not to worry about what will be,  no use in borrowing trouble from tomorrow!  As of right now, I'm going with she will outgrow this!  I'm thankful for her everyday.

The next couple weeks are looking as busy as the last, well ENTIRE summer.   I will be running another 5k on Sept 11th, one on Oct 1st, and then of course, my first half marathon Oct. 15th.  School starts the sixth, and respect life month is OCT.  We will be gearing up for some stuff with the pro-life committee at church.  I also have a new baby starting at the daycare Sept 12th.   Not to mention all of the school schedules to keep track of, and this isn't even including all of Steve's activities.  WHEW!  I'm tired thinking about it! I am however thankful to have the health and ability to lead a full life with my family! 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Moving forward..... one foot in front of the other.

Mon. Aug 1st

I have been so exhausted from the weekend.  I was awake for close to 36 hours straight, and haven't slept well since.  Every muscle in my body aches....for no reason other than exhaustion, and I have absolutely no motivation to run.... So I didn't.

Tues Aug 2nd
 I am still exhausted, and just completely drained of energy.  The energy I do have I devote to  getting the basics done.  Sarah's seizure, and the fear it instills in me have been on my mind more than anything.  I am still struggling with motivation, but know I must get out to run....Its been four day!  So I go out to run, I get about a mile in, and am cramping all over.  I have to walk the rest of the way.  I only got about a mile of running in, and walked a little over two.

Wed. Aug 3rd
I still was not able to get out of bed this am.  However I did get out for a run tonight.  As I was running I started pleading with God to lift this exhaustion and lethargy from me.  I know Sarah's seizure stressed my out, but it was like I was just shutting down, and going through the motions.  I asked God to help me understand why I was feeling this way, and he did.  As I was running, God and I had the following Conversation:  When I asked him why I was feeling this way,  he told my heart that it was because I felt helpless, and powerless against what was going on with Sarah.  I knew this to be true. I hate feeling helpless.  I don't know what to do, or what the right answer is, I don't know how I am supposed to protect Sarah from this, and every bit of my motherly instinct is telling me that it is my job to protect her.  As I ran I realized I was fighting an internal war.  My instinct telling me on thing, and my faith another.....  I am not able to protect her from this.  I can't keep this from falling on her.  All I can do is trust in Jesus.  I realized that by shutting down, that I wasn't helping Sarah, or anyone for that matter.  I know in my heart that I need to push forward, and keep putting one foot in front of another.  I am no good to Sarah if I am locked up by a battle within.  As I pray I give Sarah back to God, as I did, after her first two seizures.  I found comfort in words that my dear friend Sr. Francelle had written me in an email.  "God loves Sarah even more than you do."  I know that this is what I need to do.  I will continue to look into medically what is going on with Sarah, and advocating for her health and well-being.  I know my number one responsibility is to teach her about Jesus.  To do that the right way, I need to trust, no matter what sufferings may befall me.  I know for a mother to see their child suffer in anyway is excruciating,  and I think of what Mother Mary suffered to see Jesus suffer for me.  I ended my 3 miles feeling a little lighter of heart.

Thursday Aug 4th
I didn't get out to run

Friday Aug 5th
I am still struggling with fatigue.  I have not been able to get up early once this week to run, but I did get out to night again.  I am still battling my instinct, but I have a little more peace in my heart today.  I know that whatever lies ahead as long as I am focused on Jesus I will be okay.  Now don't get me wrong. I still have the moments of doubt and fear....it is a battle,  but my reason and my will have to win out, and I know the truth lies with Jesus. I ran another 3 today.  I'm doing my best to keep going....one foot in front of the other.

Sat. Aug 5th
I got up early today....due to the fact I was meeting a friend this morning.  We are doing a 5 mile run today.  Her daughter drove us 5 miles out, and dropped us off.  As we begin our run,  I of course start talking of Sarah and my struggles.  It just pours out of me,  my frustration, concern, I don't even realize what pace I am keeping, realizing later that I am going way to fast. My friend Jean, just listened as I vented.  As we talked I of course begin to talk about my run earlier in the week, where I felt God leading me.    The more I talked the better I felt.  Finally about half way through our run I realize I should probably slow a bit.  We slow our pace down, and I have it on my heart to pray.  Jean and I prayed a rosary as we ran.  I felt more and more at peace the more we prayed.  When we finished our rosary, Jean recommended we pray a Divine Mercy Chaplet since we had about 3/4 of a mile to go.  So we did that.  My legs were heavy and I was in a lot of pain.  I know I went way to fast the first couple miles.  I didn't have much left in me, but Jean encouraged me on..... I was able to finish. YAY! I just kept thinking  "I can do ALL things in Christ who strengthens me"

Sun. Aug 7th
I did not get out for a run today

Monday August 8th
I still am struggling with mornings, but got out this evening for a run.  I ran 3 miles.  It was a pretty good run.  I am still tired and very lethargic, but I am pushing through.  Sarah is doing GREAT.  She is so full of energy, and joy. Looking at her now, you would never realize she was in the hospital last weekend.  She has such a sweet spirit.  If I cough or anything, or even if I seem a little upset, she will put her sweet little hands on my face and say " you okay mommy?"  She sees me walk in a room and lights up like I am the greatest thing in the world.  She is loving to her brother and sisters, and thinks her daddy hung the moon.  Sometimes I am in awe at the Joy she brings into our lives.  She is a monkey, and has no fear.  Constantly climbing and jumping, and has absolutely no problem keeping up with her older siblings.  She is fiery and loving and has so much spunk!  She is one tough kid I tell ya!  I always joke that God made her full of the dickens for a good reason!  It brings me such peace and comfort each day to see her learn and explore her world.   She loves to get her own way, and is usually pretty good at getting it!  I laugh because she is a little spoiled, but it is by  her older brother and sisters!  The let her get away with A LOT, and tell me it is because she is sooo cute.  I thank God for her and all my children every day.  I often think that the love we have for our children is a glimpse into what Christ's love is for us.  Only I know his is  a perfect love.  Mine is not. 

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Seizure throws us for a loop

Sarah woke about 2am Saturday morning full of mucous.  She was coughing and puking.   I was pretty sure that she was having a reaction to the Septra.   When she was on it last week the same thing happened, but the on call DR thought that is was a virus going along with the MRSA.   I didn't think so, but hey I 'm not a Doc.  So anyway when she woke up with the same symptoms, I knew in my gut it was a reaction to the medicine.  I also noticed she had a temp.   I attempted to put her in a tepid bath to cool her down, and she wanted nothing to do with that.  I also attempted to give her Tylenol, and she just puked it up.  I was kicking myself for not getting the Tylenol suppositories  like I had intended to do when I went to the store.  So I stripped her down to her diaper, and did my best to bring her temp. down.   Her temp was not super high....101.  However the last two times she had seizures that is what her temp was.  She has had several fevers in between with no seizures.  We were told that by the age of two febrile seizures go way down, and they completely outgrow them at five.  Since she hadn't had any since November and was over two we were hoping she had outgrown them.  About 3 am  I contemplated taking her into the ER.  She was miserable.  I could hardly recognize her....her face was even more swollen from the bug bite, she had a low grade temp and was still all gunky and coughing.  Just when I was about to take her into the ER she went back to sleep.  If I tried to lay her down she would wake up crying,  so I just sat in the rocking chair and let her sleep in my arms.  At about 345  I noticed she was completely zonked so I laid her in her crib.  I laid down, and said a prayer.  About 30 seconds later, I hear this weird sound, and I knew immediately in my heart she was having a seizure.  I flew out of bed, screamed at Steve the baby is seizing,  turned on the light, and had her diastat in my hands in record time.  Diastat is the drug that they say finally brought her out of her first seizure....which was an hour and a half.  Steve was beside me in a second, and my hands were working frantically to try and give this med to her.   It is a suppository form, and I realized the first vial we had did not have a thing to push on to get the medicine out.  I fumbled with it,  my hands shaking incessantly.  Steve grabbed the other one, and luckily that one had the pusher thing on.....sorry can't think of the correct terminology right now....so pusher thing will have to do.  It is HORRIFYING to watch your daughter convulse like that.   Her whole body was convulsing,  she was turning blue,  and had gunk coming out of her mouth and nose.   As horrible as that is to watch,  that is not even the worse part for me.   Her eyes are open,  but they are empty...it is a vacant stare,  and it chills me to the depths of my soul.  Luckily the Diastat worked quickly, and pulled her out of her seizure.  I was on the phone calling 911, and Steve stayed with Sarah.  I also ran about the house throwing her medicine, and the diastat syringe into the diaper bag so I had them for the Doctor.  We ended up staying at the hospital all day Saturday through Sunday morning.  Needless to say I didn't get any running in...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sarah has another allergic reaction to bug bite.

She woke up looking like this...
Thursday night Sarah had gotten a few more bug bites, she was only out for about 10 minutes and I had her doused with 25% deet bug spray. I noticed the bite on her cheek when she came in, and I knew her face would swell. Friday morning it was pretty puffy, but she could still see out of it, and it didn't look to bad. Friday after nap, her entire eye was swollen shut, her whole left side of her face was swollen, and she had nasty green drainage coming out of her eye. I called the on-call Doc, and they decided to put her back on Septra. This was the antibiotic she had been on just the week before, because of the MRSA. With the green drainage they didn't want to risk another infection. So I give her medicine. She went to bed really well that evening, I knew she was tired. Little did I know what the night had in store for us. More to come......

Friday, July 29, 2011

The training officially begins!

It has been a couple weeks since, I have posted, and it has been a busy couple of weeks. Saturday July 23rd I went and ran my first "longer run" I ran 5.21 miles. It actually went really well. Monday July 25th was the official starting day of my half-marathon training. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were all really good days. I was excited to officially be training, I had purpose and a mission. I was excited, and very happy with where I was at. Thursday I ran 4.25 miles and knew I had another 5 miler waiting for me on Saturday.   According to Hal Higdon's training schedule I should take Friday off,  so I did!

Friday, July 22, 2011

Heat, speed, illness, and Family.

Thursday July 14th

WOW is it hot.  Steve and I ran together this evening.  I have slowly been improving my time and distance. Now that I am running 35 minutes a day, I am running about 3.25 miles.  I usually seem to average about a 1030 mile pace  which is a great improvement over my 12 min mile pace I was running just a month ago.  Steve said he was going to push me, and like to see me at a 9:30 mile pace.  I scoffed at him, because my fastest time before that was like a 10:13 mile pace.  I told him there would be no way I could do that, especially in this heat.  So off we went.  Steve and I kept a pretty good pace, and I seemed to be really struggling.  I have a terrible cold, plus I have been up with Sarah quite a bit lately.  She has not been feeling well.   We took her into the Dr. on Monday, because she has been having terrible reactions to bug bites.  Her whole face will swell up!  Now all the bites are rather big sores, and look infected to me.   The Dr cultured and we got the results today that she has MRSA.   That is a antibiotic resistant staph type infection.   I freaked out, because when I worked in the hospital with it we gowned and gloved and it was a pretty big deal.   I checked with the state to see if this was something I would have to close the daycare for, and surprisingly I didn't.   I was informed that MRSA is actually everywhere, and more common than I thought.   So they grew out the cultures, tested the sensitivities, and found exactly what antibiotic will work for it, so  we started her on septra.  4 teaspoons a day.....that is a huge dose!  I called and told all the daycare parents and told them what was going on, and gave them the choice to  pick up kids if they wanted.   I already have 3 days off next week so they chose to pull them out till next week after Sarah had been on the antibiotic for a while.  I would have done the same thing as a parent.  Anyway,  as Steve and I were running,  I offered up all my prayers for a quick recovery for Sarah.  I have to admit, that her being sick in any fashion is quite nerve racking for me.  Since she had her seizure last fall, I am just much more sensitive to  what could happen with her.  The momma lion just comes out in me, and I feel so overly protective of her.  So I needed to refocus in prayer, and put her in God's hands.  The whole run, whenever I wanted to quit, because it was soooo hot, or my head was pounding,  I just thought of my sweet baby, and how tough she is, and I pushed forward.  We ended up running 3.5 miles in 34 minutes.   It worked out to be like a 9:54 mile pace.   So not quite the 9:30  Steve hoped for, but still a great accomplishment.

Friday July 15th

It is so hot and humid that when I step outside, it feels like I am being smothered by a wet cloth.  YUK! I decide to make today a cross training day.  I have plans to run my first longer run tomorrow.   I hope to do a 5 mile run.   So today will be a good day for cross training.   I do the 30 day shred and call it good.

Sat.  July 16th

I was supposed to meet a friend at 630 am today and go for my 5 mile run,  but I was up most of the night with Sarah.   She has developed a cold, and the mucous draining in her throat is causing her to cough until she vomits.   It was a very, very long night.  I called the on-call doctor, because I 'm worried that maybe this is the surface ( wound) infection becoming a more serious internal infection.   The Dr.  says he is sure that it is separate.  So I push on.   I was going to attempt to run in the evening, since I did not get up this morning, but it is so hot out, I think I would hurt myself if I ran in this heat.  So I missed today.

Sunday July 17th

I was up all night with Sarah again.   She is coughing so hard.   Finally at 5am I remembered I had some Neb's from the last time she was sick, and decided to give her a breathing treatment.  When my Son Sam was Sarah's age,  every time he got a cold, he ended up on Neb's.   They called in reactive airway disease.....The good news is he outgrew it at age 3.  Sarah seems to have the same thing.   I gave her a Neb, and she finally stopped coughing long enough to get some sleep.   She slept until 10am.  Me on the other hand I was up by seven.  I am just exhausted.  Needless to say I couldn't find it in me to run today.   I know that's not good,  but between the heat, and the exhaustion,  I can't find it in me.

Monday July 18th.

I did ge up for a run this morning.  I ran a pretty good pace.  I have tons to do today.  I have family coming into town, and since Sarah has been so sick,  I have not got as much done as I would like.  So I got up hit my run, and then started working at home.  Cleaning, disenfecting, washing bedding, and so on and so forth.  It was a busy, but good day.

Tuesday July 19th

I did not go for a run this  morning.  I think the breakneck pace of yesterday, the lack of sleep the last few days, and this blasted cold, has just warn me out.   I have company arriving later this morning, so I chose to get right to work and get the finishing touches done.   I still needed to make a dessert, and potato salad.  Plus I didn't get to the store yesterday,  so that is also on the agenda this am. I also hope to have lunch ready and waiting for them when they arrive.  Another busy morning.  I somehow manage to get it done, right as they pull in.  Let the fun begin!!!!

Wednesday July 20th.

Today I was fortunate enough to run with my sister-in-law  Angi.  Angi is Coach Pat's wife, and they are up for a visit.  Angi is in great shape and has run several marathons, and half-marathons, so I know she will be running a lot slower than normal to run with me, but she did it anyway.  We ran the 3.5 mile course I have mapped out. It is another cooker today...... it is soooo hot and humid!   I can tell as we are running, that it is a faster pace than normal, but I really don't pay it too much attention,  Angi and I have always gotten along really well, and I really enjoy my visits with her.  I felt good today,  my left shin is a little sore, but nothing unbearable.  As we are rounding the curve to my house, I tell Ang that I am going to kick it, and finish it hard......she says go for it.  I take off, and start striding it out.   I hear Angi kinda giggle, and notice she is behind me.  I yell....."Lets go Ang!"  She laughs again and says her legs are to short to keep up with my strides.   I still think she gave it to me, but she said she was impressed by the "Corbin kick".  I guess God gave me long legs for a reason :)  When I finished the run, I ask Angi what we finished it in.   She said 33min.  That is a whole minute faster than my last fastest time.    I was pumped!  I informed Angi, that her and Pat have no say in the matter, and have to move to Fergus Falls, just so I can have her as my running partner.  I am so thankful to have her push me!  Thanks Angi!

Thursday July 21st

Angi and I went for a run together again this morning.   When I stepped outside,  I was pleasantly surprised.....IT was a wonderful 59 degrees.   I LOVE to run in weather like this versus the blast furnace we have been running in the last week.  I had no great expectations that I could repeat my faster time that I did yesterday.  As we were running, I felt really winded, and felt it was going to be a really tough day.   Angi just kept talking to me and  I kept running.  I have a few good hills on this course, and wow do they kick my butt!   I did pretty good until the last hill.  My legs felt like I could barely move them.  They were so heavy.  I let out a deep breath and Angi says....."I'm gonna push you now"  My initial thought was  "I've already been pushing!"   I dug deep and pulled up beside her.  We get to my favorite part of the run.....the downhill part, which is also close to the finish.   Angi tells me I am on track to beat my time yesterday.  The competitor in me emerges.  I pick it up, and push as hard as I can.  I get to the last two hundred yards, and Angi tells me she is going to try and hang with the "Corbin kick" today.  We take off!  I push hard and reach my drive ( the finish line.)  The result:  I took another minute and 10 seconds off my time.  I averaged a 9:28 mile pace.  Just a week ago, I had scoffed at my husband, and told him there was no way I could run a n 930 mile pace.  WOW!  I am excited.  What a great victory!  I also have another victory when I go in and weigh myself.  I am down 9 lbs.   Finally I feel like I am getting somewhere!  My wonderful bro-in-law Coach Pat sees my over zealousness, and reminds me, that slow and steady will win this race.  This is how I hurt myself.  I push and push and push.  It was a much needed reminder, and I plan on taking the rest of the week slower, and longer.  I am so blessed to have a family, like Pat and Angi as part of our Lives.   Steve and his bro Pat are best friends, and Angi and I get along like sisters.  I am so thankful for our relationship!  It is good to have anchors in this crazy world, and Pat and Angi are ours.   Thanks Guys for a great visit, and we love and miss you!

Friday July 22nd

I got up this morning to go for my run.  I woke my oldest Brianna up, cause she wanted to run part of my run with me.   We start with our warm-up walk,  it was a beautiful morning, and Brianna and I were having such a nice conversation, that I decided to just walk today, and call it a cross-training day.  Brianna is 11 and 1/2.  She is a sweet loving responsible young lady, who is entering into the very challenging....preteen/teenager stage.  I am usually quite busy with the younger kids, and do not always get to spend the time with Brianna that I would like.  I so enjoyed our walk this morning.  We saw a hot air balloon, talked about her bike, the dog, her friends, and everything important in Brianna's world. Half way through our walk, she grabbed my hand, and we walked hand in hand the rest of the way.  I am so proud of her.  She is very excited about being a LIFE runner.  She has such a passion for the unborn.  For her age she really grasps the fear, lies, and sadness that surrounds abortion.  Steve and I of course have shared our passion for Pro-life with her, but she knows in the very depths of her heart that it is wrong.  I really think that is a conviction sent from above.  I love the days when I take the time to slow down, and really listen to my kids.  Brianna did most of the talking on our walk, and I loved listening to her.  I know my children so well,  I am with them 24/7 and can usually finish their thoughts/sentences before they do,  yet I feel like a learn a little more each day.  So today, I walked for 35 minutes, slowed down, and enjoyed my daughter.   It was a great way to start my day.  Tomorrow, I am meeting a friend, and will attempt my first 5 mile run.  I am excited!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

God's Grace gives me a greatful heart

It has been a couple of weeks since I posted again.  Time is truly flying by!  I finished out the month of June at 30min a day.  On Friday July 1st  I decided to do  a cross training day and I  went for a very long walk in my neighborhood.  Usually when I am exercising my prayer of choice is the rosary.  However today I really just praised God my entire walk.  I was so struck by the beauty of nature, and the majesty we have all around us.  I have always loved nature,  the sights the sounds and the smells.   I love listening to the wind in the trees,  it is one of the most relaxing sounds to me.  I love to hear the birds singing.  I find such peace and comfort when I am able to enjoy the beauty surrounding me.  So as I was walking today,  I pondered if we can have such beauty around us here on earth,  how beautiful it must be in heaven!  I just kept thanking God over and over for the many blessings in my life, and the beauty that I can enjoy here on this earth.  I have noticed that when I have a grateful heart, my joy seems to grow.  I ended my walk feeling completely relaxed and joyous!  Now that is a way to start your day!

Sat. and Sun  July 2nd and 3rd

I did not get a run in either day.  We headed out on vacation to the Black hills in SD.  It is about a 9 hour drive from Fergus Falls.  We of course made several stops on the way,  you don't have much choice with four children.  So Saturday was taken up with the travel and getting settled at the cabin.  Sunday we went to Sylvan lake, took the kids swimming, did needles highway, and Keystone.  It was a full days event, and I did not get a chance to sneak a run in.

Mon July 4th.

I did get a run in today.  We just decided to hang out at the cabin today and enjoy the beauty around us.  It made it much easier for me to sneak away and  get my run in.  I decided to still stay at 30 min this week because I did not get all my days in last week, and it seemed like it was a hard jump for me to make.  The cabin I refer to is Steve's Grandparents/parents cabin.   We are so lucky to have such a great place to take our family to.   One of the things  enjoy most is no distractions.  No TV,  no cell phone reception.  It is also rustic.  We use an outhouse, and do not have running water.  The kids actually think it is kinda cool to have to go to an outhouse.   My son Sam went to the bathroom more than he ever does at home!  Anyway,  the cabin is about 11/2 miles past a town called NEMO.  So for my run,  I figured I would run to Nemo and back.   I had prepared myself mentally that it was going to be much harder for me to run here due to the elevation change.  So I started on my run, and much to my surprise, I felt great!  I was booking it.  I get to the edge of Nemo in record time, and then I turn around to go back to the cabin.  Now I realize why it was so easy, and why I was going so fast!  It was all downhill.  Now it wasn't obvious to me, it was a gradual decline,  but going back  the gradual incline  sucked!  I didn't feel quite so strong on the way back to the cabin.  OUCH!   I did make it however, and had overall a good run.

Tues July 5th

We are heading home today, so I knew I needed to get my run in before we left the cabin.   So I got up and went for my run.  I was more aware of the hill, so I took it much easier on the way down, so I wasn't so tired running back today.  As I am praying and running today, I notice the great peace I have in my heart today.   I often feel this way when I visit the cabin.   The beauty of all the trees and only the sound of nature to fill my ears.  The smell of pine and the sound of the creek flowing next to the road.  It is just perfect.  My run was more difficult for me today, I didn't run as far I did yesterday.  I ran the full 30 minutes though, and am completely satisfied with that.   Being able to run for 30 min is a huge victory for me!  I am very happy today,  which is probably a good thing,  because I have 9 hours ahead of me in a car with four kids......Lord help me!

Wed,  July 6th  I took the day off.

Thursday July 7th

I could not get out of bed this morning, so I met a couple friends at the track after work today.  One of the reasons I like to run in the morning is because I don't like to run in the heat.  It was a cooker today!  I think close to 90 degrees.  I wasn't too sure how my run was going to go, but I was happy to have a couple of friends with me.  I start out and man was it hard!  I told myself to suck it up and to just deal with the heat.  I have 30 minutes I have to get in, and the heat won't stop me.   So I started my prayers and off I went.   The first lap we all ran together, and then we kinda broke off at each of our own paces.  Towards the end of my run, one of my friends joined me, and was a great encouragement to me.  I have talked about how I like to finish my runs strong,  so I tell Jean that the last one hundred meters,  I am going to sprint it in.   So I took off, and about 50 meters left I had nothing left,  and Jean started cheering me on, telling me how I could do it.   It was exactly what I needed.   I was able to finish strong thanks to her support.    Thanks Jean!

Friday July 8th.

I did a cross training day today. A Friend gave me the Jillian Micheal's 30 day shred video, and I really enjoyed it.   It is a lot of good strengthening and calisthenic type stuff, which I should be doing in conjunction with my running anyway.   So I am going to try and do both each day.....run and the 30 day shred.   We will see what happens.

Sat.  July 9th 

I did not get out for a run this morning.   Since returning from vacation,   mid week,  I was in desperate need to do a grocery shop, so that is the first thing I did today.   I did however get out at about 2pm for a run.   It's another really hot day, so  am a little nervous about running.   Thursday after my run,  I got a little sick,   just nausea and a little light headedness,  I was sure it was that I was overheated.   So I made sure I was well hydrated and off I went.   I ran really slow today,   the heat just sucks the life out of me!   I did get my 30 minutes in though, and then I got home and did my 30 day shred as well.  It was a good day.

Sunday July 10th.

 I got up early this morning to go for my run.   I have had enough heat training the last couple days!   My run went really well this morning.   I felt good, even though  I have quite a bit of muscle stiffness in places from doing the 30 day shred.   I said my prayers and  got home, and did the 30 day shred again.   I am really enjoying this,  hopefully I can keep it up.

Monday July 11th.

I decided to bump my time up to 35 minutes today. My shins were a little sore starting out today, but nothing I couldn't handle.   I start in with my prayers and I found myself in a good rhythm.  I was having trouble really concentrating on my rosary this morning, so I just lifted up any aches and pains I was having and asked that it be used as a prayer to save on baby from abortion.  One mother  from the agony and heartbreak of abortion, and for one abortionist to have one less innocent persons blood on their hands.   I  found myself pleading in prayer on behalf of the baby, mother, and abortionist.   I am not sure how to explain what I was feeling.   I just know that after a while I wasn't aware of my pace or any aches and pains I had in my body.   My mind was totally consumed in prayer.  My heart was breaking for the mothers that have chosen abortion, and the agony they must face.  My eyes were filling with tears as I thought of all the innocent blood shed over lies and confusion.  I can honestly say I have never been so consumed by a prayer before.   I have felt prayer, and have been moved by prayer,  but this prayer consumed me.  It was really powerful, and I don't think that I am explaining it very well.   As I am finishing my run,   I realize I have ran much further than I ever had before.  I've recently started mapping my runs...... it is a great website that allows me to map out what I ran, and tells me how far I went, and what pace I ran.  I ran about 34 min when I reached my driveway.  I had gone 3.37 miles,  which works out to be a 10:13 mile pace, which is really  good for me.    I was excited about my progress.  This was day five, with tired legs,  I ran the farthest, and the longest I have run so far, and  I did it at a faster pace than  I normally run.   I think I need to get lost in prayer more often!

Tuesday July 12th

I took today off from my running.  When I went bed last night I had stared coming down with a head cold.  I did not sleep well last night at all.   I awoke this morning feeling like I have an ice pick stuck in my head!   Today is also my wonderful husbands birthday.   I have already gotten him his present, but still try to make his day a little more special than a normal day.   I know I  Thank God everyday for the gift of Steve.  I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life.   I'm not going to ramble on about how he is the most perfect man in the world,  because he is not.....none of us are.  I am going to tell you that he is a man of principle, and integrity and honesty, and he tries very hard to always follow the will of God in his life.  He loves his kids and his wife, the best he can each and every day.  He is my best friend, and he loves me enough to never give me lip service.  He always helps me to grow and strive and reach my full potential.  He also tries very hard to push himself to reach his full potential.  I am so proud of him, and love him with all of my heart.   So today I thank God again, for bringing Steve into my life. We met when we were 15 and 16.  We have grown up together.  We have at this point of our lives,  been a part of each others lives longer than we lived at home with our families.....amazing!  Thank You Jesus for the gift of Steve.  

Wed,  July 13th

I was not able to pull myself out of be this am.  This head cold is kicking my butt!  I did however make myself go out and attempt to run after work today.  Today I realized that running with a head cold is a great punishment.  I was in agony!  I couldn't breathe well,  I felt like someone was chasing me and hitting me over the head every few seconds with a baseball bat,  it was awful.   I only made it about twenty minutes, and I had to stop.  So hopefully I'll get feeling better,  cause I really want to get back on track!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The days are flying by!

I have not posted in a couple of weeks.  Life has been so completely busy,  I haven't felt I've had much time to breathe, let alone do anything else!  Therefore, I am going to summarize the last two weeks in lump, instead of highlighting each day.   The good news is, is that I have been able to get my runs in!  I bumped up my time from 20 to 25 minutes.   My shins have been doing good, but I have been running in my neighborhood, and all the hills seem to have caused some issues for my left Achilles.  Two weeks ago,  I got in the full six days!  5 running and 1 cross training!  This last week I got in 5 days, 4 running and 1 cross training.   As far as weight loss goes, I haven't lost any.  It is like my body is holding onto the weight for dear life!  I have noticed this last week, that I am showing signs of my metabolism starting to pick up. YAY!  I think it has been in a coma the  last 8 years.  I have really had to learn to totally let go of the weight loss thing.  It's really hard, because I want to lose weight, but it is not coming off.  I bumped my time up to 30 minutes a day yesterday, and I am hoping now that I am running longer periods of time, I will begin to lose weight.  However,  I also know that I need to not focus on that aspect, and totally put all of my focus on the training aspect. 

As far as my praying goes.  It is so helpful, and good for me to pray when I run.  There have been so many times when I wanted to stop, and because I am praying I am able to deny myself what I want, and continue on for something bigger than myself.  I am very creaturly at times....I don't like to be hungry, hot, uncomfortable, or in pain if I don't have to be.   When I run, I experience many of the don't likes, but because I am using my running as a prayer,  I am able to die to myself and use my discomfort as a prayer.  It is truly very powerful.  

Summer is flying by for my family. June was gone in a blink.  I still can't believe it is the end of the month.  We have had things going on 4 to 5 nights a week, plus my daycare numbers are up right now, which is a complete blessing, but my days are very very busy.  I am struggling with fatigue, but hoping I am able to push through.  July is not looking like it will let up at all.  We will be gone over the fourth, and then will be hosting family later in the month. We also seem to have things on the calendar for most evenings. I have not even had time to begin preparing for anything.  I am trying to begin planning our 2nd annual castle BBQ.   We are already into mid august for planning things, so I hope i can swing it all!

Monday June 27th

Tonight I upped my time to 30 minutes of running!   I did not get out in the morning for a run, I was just too tired.  I could not get out of bed.   I have found running is easier for me in the mornings.  by 5pm I am usually so tired that trying to run is nearly impossible.  However,  I knew I had to get out today.  So I pushed through the exhaustion, and went to the track.  I decided to run a couple days a week on the track still, just because the hills seem to  put  pressure on my Achilles, and I know I don't want an injured Achilles.  I get to the track and start my warm up lap.   I set a goal to run 2 and 1/2 miles.  I've been doing a little over two miles at 25 minutes, so I figured this was a good goal.  I've been doing a lot of my training at about a 12 min.  mile pace.  I told you before....definitely not breaking any speed records.   So I start my run.  I was two laps in, and I was huffing and puffing, and sweating like crazy!  I think I looked like the dude in the Airplane movies, in the ending scenes where he is flying the plane.Buckets of sweat.  It was awful.  My legs hurt, and they were so heavy.  I had no idea how I was going to make it 30 minutes.  At this point, even though I am so winded I start praying out loud.  I don't know why, but it helps me so much to pray out loud.  As I am running, praying, and counting laps, I am beginning to give myself a pep talk.  " Okay you have 4 more laps,  you can do this!  Don't stop, slow down if you need to, but don't stop!"   As the laps kept going by, I am finding strength in my prayers.   I still hurt  EVERWHERE,  I'm still hot and miserable, but I now begin to know I will finish this.  I reach my 2.5 mile goal, and notice I still have time left to run to reach my 30 minutes. So I push on.   I ended up running about  2.75 miles plus another 200meters....so almost a full 3 miles in 30 minutes!   I went from running a 12 min mile pace to probably close to a 10 and a half minute mile pace.   I took almost a minute and a half off my mile pace......crazy.  Now I know I can't do this every run, and I didn't even set out to do this today.   I just prayed really hard, and didn't even realize I was running faster,  I just thought I was having a really bad day.   It just goes to show,  "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" 

I get home after my run and have to rescue the two turtles my kids found from the sandbox.  I told them that we wanted to set them free, so they could lay eggs and we could see the babies in the fall.  The older ones were okay with it, but Sarah (2yrs)  had a meltdown over the turtles leaving.  I then showered and made supper, and got kids to bed around 930pm.  I realized then that I forgot to stretch, and my muscles were really tight and sore.  At this point I'm just wasted, so I go fall into bed.  I hope that I'm not in to much pain tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Redemptive Running

Monday June 6Th

I decided to up my time to 25 minutes of running straight.  My experience in my 5k on Saturday gave me the confidence I needed to  know that I could push through the pain, and not get injured. I am still running on the track this week.  So I arrive, and I start my prayers.  I have had so many things on my heart to pray for lately, that I am never quite sure what to pray for.  So I asked that the prayers I said today be lifted up for whoever, or wherever they were most needed today.  There is something so freeing about praying that way.  It was a good day for redemptive running.  What I mean by that is that I am able to offer up the pain and burning I feel as a prayer for someone/something.  I have so much pain in my legs today, and they are just heavy.  The whole 25 minutes was torture.  I have not always been able to understand that by offering my suffering up as a prayer I could truly help others.  There was a time in my life,  not that long ago actually, that I often told God, "Haven't I had enough?"  I have often felt my experiences as a child, should somehow exempt me from to much more suffering!  I had embraced those trials, and learned from them.  I have forgiven those who hurt me so deeply as a child, so I thought  I should be done.... right?  I have also had moments of shaking my fist at God.  " Why on earth, would you allow me to feel things so deeply!"  I have truly felt the pain of the people around me.  Often times when someone is hurting or scared, or lonely,  my heart is breaking right along with theirs.  There was a time when I had hardened my heart, and became angry, because I couldn't handle seeing/feeling the hurt and pain of those around me.  However, by doing that I stopped feeling the love and joy as well.  I am learning to embrace my gift of compassion/empathy.  For many years I often joked it was a curse.  I am realizing however, that instead of being overcome by that pain and sadness, which is often easy to do,  I can embrace it, and give it up in prayer.  As I have learned to do this, the freedom I am beginning to find is amazing!  I have begun to experience so much joy.  God is also teaching me that by being vulnerable with others, and showing my brokenness, and sharing how the Grace/mercy and love of God has saved me from so much,  I am somehow able to point them in the direction of the truth.  Jesus Christ.  It is so humbling to me.  I have always been such a proud person, never really wanting anyone to know my suffering/brokenness.  I felt that somehow that made me a weak person.  I was so wrong.  I am strong, only because I have Jesus on my side. I remember my husband and brother-in-law (coach Pat)  talking about offering up their suffering during their running as a prayer.  I remember thinking "I have had enough suffering, I don't need to go run to feel pain....You are both NUTS!  Once again I was wrong.  Redemptive running (as they call it)  is helping me to find true peace in my life.   God is soooooooo Good!

Tuesday June 7th.

I did not get out to run today. My older three kids are at Camp Castle (Grandma Kathy's and Papa Joe's) house for ten days.  So last night Steve, Sarah and I went with a couple of friends canoeing down otter tail river. I was so nervous at first.  I had never been canoeing, and I had my busy two year old with me.  We all had life vest on, but I did not want to tip.  I can say this, I think every married couple should go canoeing together.  Steve was the steering guy, and I found myself often questioning his ability.  The canoe would turn one way, and I'd be stating emphatically we were going the wrong way!  Steve would calmly tell me he got it, and not to worry.  I know if Sarah wouldn't have been with, I would have been fine, but when the kids are around it is like my danger meter goes into overdrive.  I can suddenly see every possible thing that could go wrong, and somehow hurt the kids.  It's funny really, because before I had kids I was the one constantly scaring Steve.  I had a very adventurous spirit.  I still do, but only when the kids are not around.  Anyway, as we learned how to navigate the river(which was flowing very slow by the way)  I began to relax and truly enjoy the beauty around me.  It was so peaceful and relaxing.  We canoed for about an hour and a half, and then went and grabbed a bite at Zorbas.  Zorbas is an awesome restaurant on otter tail Lake.  We sat out on the deck.  The gorgeous lake right there.  We had good food and great conversation!  Sarah was a little trooper.   By time we got home and I layed down it was midnight.  I knew I would not get up to run this morning, but it was worth it.  I had so much fun last night!

Wed. June 8th,

Thursday June 9th

Today was another good day of running.  I felt good, my shins felt good.  I prayed a lot for my dad today.  His surgery to remove the tumor and his salivary gland is next Thursday. I'm trying hard not to be nervous.  I do worry for him though.  He already has so many health problems anyway,  that I don't want to see any more added issues.  I am taking comfort that my dad has started going to church again for the first time in many years.  I also have had good phone conversations with him, and actually prayed with him on the phone.  He wouldn't have always been open to that.  He is also calling and asking me a lot more faith questions, which I find very comforting.  So I know my prayers are working.  Of course I have prayed that he doesn't have cancer, but a lot of my prayers have been focused on his spiritual life, and that he would find God in all of this, and I think he is.  I find that encouraging.  So I ask any of you out there reading this to keep my dad in your prayers as well.  His name is Lee, and It would mean a great deal to me if you would cover him and my family in prayers at this time.   Thank you!

Friday June 10th

Today I prayed for my big brother Rob as I ran.  It is his Birthday today.  As I ran and prayed I remembered the times in my life that Rob has been there for me.  He comes across as this gruff crabby redneck, but he has a very tender heart.  I remembered the infamous story of the time I fell out of the car when I was four.  We had a really old junker, and it had this problem of the door flying open when you hit bumps.  Well we went over a bump and the door opened.  I went to grab the door, and out I went!  I busted up my knee pretty good, had to go get stitches.  All I could think of was catching the car.  I was afraid they were not going to know I fell out, and leave me.  So I got up and started running after the car.  Meanwhile in the car,  my brother was rocking back and forth crying my Tina, my Tina.  There have been so many times that Rob has teased me, beat on me, and fought with me, as we were growing up.  However, there are many more times that he looked out for me, cared for me, and loved me.  I remember when I left for college, I could not go with out a lesson in self-defense..... Rob Corbin style!  So today I give thanks for a great big brother.   I love you Robby!!!!

Saturday June 11th

I had every intention of running today.  I got four days in, and wanted to get 5 days in.  I did not get out to run, but I am counting today as a cross training day!  Steve and I, with the help of some great friends, redid the kids sandbox/play area.  We had a whole dump truck load of sand delivered, and I tell you shoveling sand is hard work!  We got done with that, and spent the entire day working outside.  The kids are still at Camp Castle, so we just had Sarah, and she worked right along side of us.  I weeded while Steve mowed.  We have and acre and  a half, and there is always plenty of work to do.  I hauled branches and weed up and down the steep hill that is part of our yard.  I also hauled about 500lbs of landscaping rock, and replenished the areas around the house.  I worked from 9 am  until 7pm without a break.  Every muscle in my body is sore, and I got good cardio in, because when you are carrying branches and stuff down the big hill, and then a 35 lb. two year old up the hill you get quite the work out in.  So this week I have gotten 4 days of running, and 1 cross training day in.   That is the best I've done in two weeks!  We will see what tomorrow brings!

Sunday June 12th.

I get my kids back today!!!   I have to admit the first couple days I enjoyed the break, but  by day four I was really missing my kids!  It has been ten days, and after church we will be meeting Steve's parents half way.  I am very excited to see them.  So I got my kids and by time we get home it is 5pm.....the house needs to be cleaned, kids unpacked, and grocery's gotten.  Steve had to spray the yard, so he could not help.  So I get to work, get the house done, menus planned grocery list made, went grocery shopping and got home at 9pm.  I had every intention of running when I got home, however Steve had built a bonfire and wanted to haul a bunch of HUGE tree branches we had trimmed down the big hill to the burn pile.  So after the grocery's are put away and Sarah put to bed, the three oldest and I head out to haul branches.  For 45 min. I was hauling branches, and 5 gallon pals of water down to the burn pile.  So needless  to say I did not go for a run.  I finally got to go to bed at 1030, and I was completely shot.   So 5 days over all!  I will try to get back up to six next week.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Equipment Malfunction couldn't keep me down

Saturday June 3rd

Today is my 5k.....YAY!  Steve, Sarah and I got back into Fergus Falls around Midnight.  I was so tired from our short trip, and little sleep.  As I layed  my very weary head on my pillow,  I prayed to God that I did not oversleep.  I got up at 7am, and started getting ready for the race at 830am.  I was really excited, I was meeting a couple of friends, who also joined the LIFE Runners this year.  I have been recently asked to be the Minnesota Chapter Champion for the LIFE runners.  I recruited Jill and her husband, and we were all doing our first race together.  My older three kids are at Grandma's, so I just had Sarah, and I figured instead of finding a babysitter,  I would just see if I could borrow a jogging stroller, and have her run with me.  Some friends of friends were kind enough to let me borrow their stroller.  They just said that there is a slight wobble in one of the tires.  When I got the stroller this am, I ran a couple circles in the parking lot, and didn't notice a wobble, so I thought GREAT!  I put Sarah in it, and headed over to the starting area.  If you have ever been involved in a race, you know the atmosphere is electric!  It is so exciting to be part of!  Since this one was in Fergus, Steve and I ran into several people we know.  We were visiting, and then Steve ran off to warm up and start his run.  After the Half-marathoners started, they started lining up the 5kers.  I was sooooo excited, and Jill was right there next to me, just as excited!  We gather for a quick prayer and then it was time.   On your mark, get set, GO!  I start running, and had to immediately stop.  The tire on the stroller was wobbling so bad that it had scared the daylights out of Sarah, and she was screaming.  For a brief moment Jill looked at me, like should I stop?  and I said go, I'm fine.  At this point people are whizzing by me, as I am walking and stopping and walking and stopping trying to figure out if I could fix this stroller, and trying to get my poor baby to quit screaming.  Now I am in dead last, and every time I try to pick up any speed the wheel starts wobbling and Sarah starts crying.  I look behind me and see the following bike gal, almost falling off her bike because I am going so slow and starting and stopping.  I felt terrible.  She said she had to stay behind the last person.   I was in tears at this point.  Sarah is crying,  I'm panicked and disappointed.  I thought well maybe, I'll have to drop out of the race.  I shook that thought off, and decided that I did not care if I  had to carry Sarah the whole way, I was going to do this 5k. As I am trying to not cry, I start praying, and asking God for a way for me to finish this race,  I hoped I would see some friends on the sidelines, that I could entrust Sarah too, but that never happened.  As I was walking, I realized that the stroller wobbled less, if I lifted up on it.  So it was like pushing a wheel barrel. I lifted the back two tires off the ground, and pushed it mainly on the front wheel.  I also noticed I could walk a lot faster.  I still could not run, but I picked up my walking pace.   I was soooo happy when I passed the first group of walkers, and I was no longer last.  I felt very guilty because here I was in my LIFE runners jersey, and I was walking.  Not to mention that I would be the last one of the group to cross the finish line.  I'm supposed to be the leader!  As I wrestled to get my emotions under control, I walked as fast as I could go.  I was passing a significant amount of people.  I always got some interesting looks, because here I am pushing this jogging stroller like a wheelbarrow and going as fast as I can.  They must have thought that I had lost my marbles.  I just kept pushing.  Sarah calmed down after the first 3/4 of a mile, and did pretty well after that.  The only time she would get upset is if I tried going to fast and the wheel would go crazy again.  I noticed at about 20 minutes in, my shins started in on their normal burning and intense pain.  I didn't care, I was so focused on balancing the stroller, keeping Sarah calm and walking as fast as I could that I just pushed through it.   At about 25 minutes in I noticed they were no longer hurting.  I hit a wall, and pushed passed it.  I felt good.  By the time I got to mile 3  my emotions were calmer, and I had a good rhythm going.  I was steadily passing people.  As I approached the finish line, I so badly just wanted to run.  I saw Jill then off to the side about 200 yards from the finish line.  She took Sarah from me, and I sprinted across the finish line.  My hubby and Coach Pat were joking after the fact at how a lot of people were probably really judging me.  Pat giggled and said I  bet people were thinking "what a sandbagger!"  Steve on the other hand likened my moment of passing off Sarah, to the moment when Forrest Gump was running and broke free of his braces!  I'm glad they could make me laugh.   I was truly very, very disappointed that I did not get to run, but I was proud of myself for not quitting, even when it seemed like it would be impossible to finish!  In many ways this was good for me. I was in dead last....which is like my worst nightmare, and I didn't give up.  In Fact I passed over 200 people, and finished only 7 minutes behind some of the runners in my group.  It is good for me to realize that I can be proud of just finishing.   I had terrible luck,  and yet I overcame the adversity put in front of me.  I did it with prayer.   Running this race was like life.....cling to Jesus, and you can overcome all odds.

I do plan on running another 5k next month, and no I will not be borrowing a stroller.  I will be getting a babysitter.  Overall,  It was a great day, and I got a very good full body workout in!

Sunday June 5th

I woke up this am and felt like I had been hit by a truck.  My legs were not hurting, but my neck and back were so stiff that I could hardly move!  I got up took some Motrin, and got ready for Church.  I was planning to go for a run after Steve got done mowing.  However,  some very sweet friends of ours called and offered to watch Sarah for us so we could go out on a date.  It had been a while since we had gotten out, so we took them up on it.  So I did not get my run in today.

Unexpected God moment

Monday May 30th

So I stuck with 20 minutes again this week.  I am just not feeling confident in my shins.  I am still struggling with a lot of pain.  It was memorial day today, so I didn't get up in the morning.  I did get out for my run today during nap time.  It was a good day.  After my run yesterday, I thought for sure I was going to be in for a rough one.  However,  I actually felt pretty good.  My legs were no where near as heavy as yesterday, and overall I felt pretty good.  My prayers as of late have all been prayed for my dad.  He has really been on my mind.  He has a Dr appointment tomorrow, and they are going to biopsy a lump that has gotten increasingly bigger over the last two months.  My dad has several other health problems, and the thought of him having cancer on top of it is worrisome to say the least.  So as I was running today, I prayed especially for my dad to find his way to God in all of this.  My dad has had a hard life, and I am proud of him.  Not all people could live through the things my dad has and still have a good heart.  He does.  I just so badly want him to know that he is loved in a way most of us can not even fully comprehend.  My prayer is that he truly feels Gods love in all of this.  He has started going to church again,  which is  a great step for him.  So as I ran and prayed, I began to feel some peace.  I am really savoring my prayer/running time.  It is so good for a perspective check for me.

Tuesday May 31st.

Windy was not even an accurate description of the weather today.  HOLY COW!  It was crazy.  I didn't make it up in the morning, but I met my friend Jill at the track in the afternoon.  As we were doing our warm-up lap,  we joked about standing in place as we were attempting to run in the wind.  I told Jill that as hard as it was going to be, I was doing this run for my dad.  So off we went.  As I was rounding the track to face the wind on my  first lap, I looked up and saw a bird flying,  and it looked as if it was flying in place.  The wind was so strong!  So I put my head down and started praying.  I went barrelling into the wind.  I'm sure it looked like I was hardly moving as well, but I pushed hard.  My prayers were really focused today, which is good.  I think it helped knowing Jill was united in prayer with me for my dad.  You would think that running into the wind would have dampered my focus, but it made it stronger.  I had a mission, I would push through the wind and do my best to keep my normal pace.  I actually felt good running into the wind.  I felt strong, like nothing could stop me.  I made up my mind, and I would beat the Wind.  It probably sounds silly, but I love it when I am able to focus like that.  It does not come easily for me.  I am a very distracted person.  I usually can not complete a full thought with out being interrupted in my daily life.  With Children around me 24/7 I have learned to cope with constant interruptions.  Nothing ever goes as planned.  So when I am able to  focus and one thing and just get it done.  It is exciting for me.  I always feel like I've accomplished something great!  Today was a good day, and I felt peaceful after my run.

Wednesday June 1

I didn't make it out of bed this am.  I am having a tough time getting up this week!  I also did not make it to the track this evening.  We had an event at church tonight.  So I decided today would be my day off.

Thursday June 2.

I knew I had to get up in the morning today, because we were leaving right after work today to head back to Sioux Falls.   My dad's brother (Uncle Chuck) was coming for a visit on Friday.  The last time I saw my uncle was when I was a fifth Grader!  It was important to my dad that I be there, so I took Friday off work and planned to head back to Montrose.    I however, must not have set my alarm, because I woke up at 715am.  It was also my kids last day of school today.  So I spent the day packing and getting us ready to go.  My oldest three are staying with Grandma for a week,  so I had Needless to say I did not get any exercise in today.

Friday June 3rd

We got in to Sioux Falls last night around 1130pm.  Then Steve and I stayed up visiting with his parents until130am visiting.  Sarah then was up from 330 am to -530 am, and then back up at 730 for the day.  I was tired!  I knew I absolutely had to run today, and we were leaving for my parents farm by noon.  I told Steve to sleep in, because we had to head back to Fergus Falls late tonight, because he was running the half-marathon, and I was running the 5k in Fergus falls in the morning.  My parents live about 35 minutes from Sioux Falls.....so we had a busy day with a LOT of driving. Steve's mom said she would watch the kids so I could go for my run.  It took me like an hour to actually get out of the house.  So I walked to the Edison Junior High track as my warm-up.  When I got to the track I noticed there was another person running,  my initial thought was oh no, some one will see how slow I am.  She was about 200m ahead of me when I started running.  I decided not to worry about how slow I was, and just do my run.  I started my prayers and away I went.  About half way into my run, I noticed this gal had stopped running and was walking.  As I caught up to her she said Hi, and I said Hi back.  She then started running with me.  She told me how nice it was to see someone running without headphones in.  I told her that I like to pray when I run, so I usually don't have any music going.....its my quiet time.  She then asked me....so you are a believer huh?  I shared I was.  At this point she just started opening up to me about her struggles with her son, who has a drinking problem.  I listened and prayed for her as she spoke.  I have plenty of experience with alcoholism in my life.  My dad is an alcoholic, and my brother-in-law is as well.   I've seen years of drinking take it's toll on both of them, and I have seen both of them begin to recover.  My dad has recovered and relapsed many times in his life.  So I thought maybe God would want me to share some of my insights into the disease and living with it.  However, as I listened and prayed for her, God placed on my heart to  instead share the Story of my youngest daughter Sarah.  About nine months ago  Sarah had a severe Febrile Seizure.  It lasted for an hour and a half.  It took the ambulance about ten minutes to get to our house, and by this time her lips were turning blue.  I have never been so scared in my life!  We got her to the hospital, and the doctors worked crazy to get the seizing to stop, and they look as worried as you do, you know it is bad.  I knew immediately that we had to get the anointing of this sick done for Sarah.  Steve called are priest and he came and did the anointing.  As he finished the prayer,  her eyes opened for the first time since the whole episode started.  Even after that miracle, I shared with how I struggled with trusting.  I was neurotic,  taking her to the doctor all the time.  She was having terrible night terrors,  I was awake for two to three hours a night with her screaming.  I would never leave her.  I was so afraid she would have another seizure.  Then the Friday before thanksgiving....she did.  I took her to the Dr that morning, cause she had a low grade temp, he said it was viral, we came home and layed her down for nap.  Midway through her nap, I heard this terrible noise, from her and went running into her room and she was seizing.  I put her in the car and took off for the Dr's office.  Shortly after that, we had our house blessed, and I got to a point where I was so tired and was really a shell of me, because I wasn't sleeping, and all I did was worry.  I sat in a chair one afternoon, and sobbed.  I was talking with Jesus, and for the first time since this happened, I gave Sarah over to him.  I told him I knew I could not protect her, and that I had to trust him to take care of her.  I shared with her the prayer I say every night when I lay Sarah down.  "Mother Mary,  please hold my baby in your arms, while I can not."  Sarah has no longer had night terrors, and has not had another seizure since, despite several fevers.  When I got done telling her my story, she had tears in her eyes, and told me that was just what she needed to hear, and how she struggles with not trying to control everything in her sons life.   By this time we were don running and had walked a cool down lap.   I asked her if I could pray with her before we left.  We prayed, hugged, and went our separate ways.  I am just in awe,  you never know who God brings in and out of your life at the times you may need it the most.  I by sharing my struggles, was able to help someone else.  I was also solidified in my faith, by having that sharing.  It reminded me of all the blessings daily, that we take for granted, and how we should never stop being grateful.  God is Good.