Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Breathe of Heaven

I figured it was about time to update my blog, since well, it has only been a month and a half!  Sometimes I can't even believe how quickly time is flying by.  I have been a machine as of late, as far as cleaning,housework, decorations, cooking, shopping, daily routines with the kids, but I have not put much focus on exercising.  I am feeling the urge to hole up and hibernate.  When the days are so short I find it hard to get outside and run in the dark.  I am in the process of getting a membership to the Y here in Fergus, hopefully that will help with the motivation trouble.  If I am paying for something, well I'm going to be sure to use it!

I  have all my Christmas Decorations done,  I love Christmas!  It is truly one of my favorite times of the year.  I have often wondered why I love it so much.  As a child,  Christmas was not an overly happy time for my family.  My dad had a very very hard childhood, and had a lot of bad things happen to him at Christmas, therefore he really struggled every year at that time.  We didn't always have a Christmas tree, my mom tried, but Dad had destroyed all the decorations in a drunken rage one time, and we didn't have the money to replace it. We never got all the cool toys....I usually got socks and underwear, however I absolutely loved Christmas. I remember a couple Christmas's where there would be a box of grocery's that would show up on our doorstep, and my mom crying, because we would have food for a nice Christmas meal. I remember believing in Santa Claus long after most of the kids my age knew there no longer was a "Santa".  I however chose to keep believing.  I don't know that I ever have stopped believing in Santa.  Santa to me is so much more than a jolly fat guy in a red suit. He embodies what I think we should strive for, a generous heart.

I also love all the sappy hallmark Christmas movies.  Steve asked me the other day, as I was watching a movie called a Dog named Christmas with the kids, Why do you watch all these movies?  I smiled and said cause they give me the warm fuzzies.  He just smiled and shook his head.  So this really got me to thinking,  Why do I love Christmas so much?  I love the lights, I love all the pretty decorations, I love the feeling of being inside in my nice warm home, while it is snowing outside.  I absolutely love seeing my children's face light up at the sight of their gifts Christmas morning, I love all the Christmas music.  One of my favorite songs is " Breathe of Heaven" (Mary's Song).  I was listening to the song the other day, and I was just overcome by awe and emotion.  I was moved, because I could so clearly picture a young Mary, pregnant with Child, and traveling a long ways, only to end up in a manger, with animals to give birth.  WOW!  Talk about Courage.  As a mother I am always moved by the memory I have of giving birth to my children.  The moments after they were just born, the exhilaration and exhaustion and sheer joy and abundant love all being felt at the same time.  I've often said that I think the love I feel for my children, is a hint of how God loves us.  Especially in the moments after birth.  When they are so tiny and fragile and perfect.  How must have Mary felt  knowing she was carrying the son of God?  It still boggles my mind.

So are all these things together why I love Christmas?  As I am reflecting on it there is still more.  I could be very Cliche' and say it is the spirit of Christmas that I love, but what does that mean?  On all the hallmark movies I watch, there is generosity, miracles, and love all tied up in a nice bow with Christmas spirit written all over it. As I sit hear thinking about it, I realize that the reason I love Christmas so much is because I love Jesus.  The son of God, born a baby born in a manger, to save me from my sins.  To save me from myself.  It fills me with such awe and hope.  Yes there is generosity, and miracles and love, all of which are gifts sent from God, sent in the most humble of ways a new born baby.  I think back to the moments after I gave birth to Brianna, my oldest child,  the doctors didn't hand her to me right after she was born, because she wasn't breathing right.  She was only a couple feet away, but I remember leaning off the bed reaching for her, desperate to hold my baby.  I was consumed by a love, and a protective instinct that my mind did not really even comprehend at the time.  When they placed her in my arms,  there are just no words to describe the feeling of pure love.  Maybe that is the word....pure....purity, not complicated by logic, fear, thinking.....just pure love.  I have experienced this feeling every time I have given birth.  The innocence and purity of a baby, wow.

So in conclusion, I guess all of the above reasons are why I love Christmas, but the most important is that I love CHRIST.  As I go through this Advent, waiting for Christ.  I hope to try and be more courageous, like Mother Mary was. Courageous in Christ. I hope to always put Christ in front of the mas of the other things that get thrown in to this time of year.  So stealing this from my bro-in-law Pat,  I wish you all a Merry CHRIST-mas.