Saturday, May 14, 2011

35 minutes!!!!!!!

Today is my long run.  Steve says that a long run should be double of what you are doing daily.  I know I didn't even want to attempt forty minutes, so I settled on 35 minutes.  It was five minutes longer than I had ever run before, and I felt it was reasonable for a longer run.  Steve is running a half-marathon today in Brookings SD,  with a group of other LIFE runners.  My hope was to get up and run while he was running, and pray for him during his race.  However, It was raining and I did not want to go out in the rain.  So I ate some oatmeal, waited for a while, and then went on my run.  Sometimes when I run, I pray for the unborn, other times I pray I don't die, and other times I pray for whatever is on my heart.  Today a friend was on my heart to pray for, so I did.  As I was praying, I found myself completely distracted.  My mind kept wandering to me and my journey.....running is really becoming a time of introspection for me.  Anyway I remember hearing that St Therese (I think) said when you are distracted in prayer, to pray about what is distracting you, so I did.  As I was praying I began to realize the pride I have had in my ability to keep getting knocked down by life, and just get right back up.  I have always been able to just pull myself up by the boot straps and keep going, even to the point of making myself sick.  I realized however, that the times I was getting up, I was doing it for me, or my kids, or my husband, or just to prove someone wrong!  I thought about my competitive spirit, about how I love to win, and how I like to be good at things, and about the times that has come in handy.  I  thought about how completely strong willed I am, and how at times in my life, I have vowed NO ONE will break my spirit.  I realized that there was a time in my life where I needed that spirit, and know that it helped me overcome many things.  The thing that stuck out at me the most though is that much of that was focused on me.  I realized now that I need to get up for Jesus, I need to fight only to love my Lord.  By putting him on the throne of my life, instead of me, I can do all these things and more, and do more than survive,  I can LIVE!  Last weekend I went to the life in the spirit seminar at my church, and Fr Greg had talked about having Jesus in your life, but not on the throne of your life.  He asked us, Who is on your throne? I remember thinking, that it was my husband and children that were on my throne.  I put them first in everything I do.  I love them with all my soul.  There are days when I think of nothing but them.  I thought to myself "well at least, I'm not on my own throne...... at least I'm thinking of someone else, right" Well, I realized today that my family is mine, and therefore I am still being on my throne, and then God pressed upon my heart my family is his, and to truly love them, like I desire to love them,  he has to be on the throne.  My love is imperfect, and his is perfect, it only makes logical sense that I could love them better by putting him first.  It amazes me, that I have known this throughout my whole life.  I've had a deep faith and love of Jesus my whole life.  I've been told this many times,  but for the first time.......I think I truly got it.  Some would call that understanding, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit.  I am humbled and in awe.....

I have to say that was a pretty awesome way to spend 35 minutes of running!  I love it!

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